


Alone

by Smarti88



Category: Ballerina | Leap! (2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25998328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smarti88/pseuds/Smarti88
Summary: She was alone again. How I imagine the night following Felicie's failed audition went.
Relationships: Louis Mérante/Odette
Kudos: 30





	Alone

Odette had watched her fall. Her heart broke for the little girl who had come to be such a prominent figure in her life. She heard Mérante demand she try again. He was angry. She could hear it in his voice. He had wanted her to be Clara. He had not wanted to be stuck with Camille. He wanted to give Felicie a future. She sat against the wall. She did not have to watch to know that Felicie had fallen again. Odette cried when she heard Felicie’s soft sobs echo in the balcony. It had been her dream. So why had she given it up? Did she not realize that this could be the consequence? 

“Did you think it would end here, little rat?” Regine’s voice was poison leaking through the air.

“NO!” She heard Felicie cry. Odette felt cold fear hit her. What was Regine going to do to her? She struggled to her feet and hobbled as quickly as she could- taking some strides in a half run, half hop sort of fashion. 

Despite her efforts, she was too late. The carriage was already rolling away from the opera house, Felicie calling to Odette and trying to escape. She vaguely heard Regine tell her she would never see Felicie again. And she heard the word sacked. She didn’t care about that. It didn’t matter. There was a hollow pain in her stomach. It ached from the loss of what she loved. 

She stood alone on the steps long after the carriage had disappeared. Maybe she hoped it would return. She knew it wouldn’t. Her leg throbbed. Her heart hurt with every beat and her lungs felt so heavy that she could barely breathe. She couldn’t be gone. Everything else, she could handle. Not this. She took a shaky breath. She needed to finish her duties. The world stopped for no one’s heartbreak. She had just lost her main source of income and lodging, she could not lose this as well. 

She hobbled back to the balcony she had been working on. Moving through the motions had helped at first. For several hours, she focused on her work. As she worked her way through the classrooms, however, her mind drifted to the fight she and Felicie had the night before. What had happened? She hadn’t seen this coming. Had she not been enough? Of course she hadn’t. How could she be? She had been alone, shutting herself off from humanity for so long. She hadn’t recognized the child’s cruel outburst for what it truly was until it was too late. Her confidence faltered. Insecurity gnawing at her. She was an orphan and, while she had done well so far, she was up against a child well above her in status and held a lifetime of training. She had taken the kind words of a charming boy and used them as an excuse to hide from her fear. This hadn’t been about Odette and she was ashamed of herself that she had been so selfish in that moment. No. She was not her mom. A mom would have done better. 

She was certain the words would haunt her sleep for some time. She groaned. Sleep. Where exactly would she be getting that? She had been in the La Haut lodging for eight years. Before that, well, it had been far from pleasant for a young, crippled girl on the street. She shivered at the thought. Winter was upon them. While she was stronger now that she had been all those years ago with a fresh injury, she would have to fight to protect herself once again. No. Sleep would not be had with one eye open. 

“Why didn’t she train?” Mérante’s voice demanded from behind her and shook her from her thoughts. She had been so lost that she hadn’t heard him approach. Damn silent dancers. She had thought he would have been gone for the night.

“Not now, Louis.” She hadn’t said his name in a decade, but it rolled off her tongue as easily as it did back then. She didn’t turn around. She didn’t look at him. She didn’t have the energy for this.

“No! She said she barely slept! What happened? Why didn’t you make her train and rest? It is very simple. I should think you would remember the concept of being prepared for an audition.” 

“I’m not her mother.” He was being unreasonably cruel. She knew part of that had to do with how she left him all those years ago. 

“No. You were her teacher, her mentor. That is even more important.” He saw her shake her head.

“Why are you here? None of this matters. It’s over.”

“I just,” she heard his hand slam against the wall, “I just need to know why. She was good. Very good. I was so sure she would get the part. With the training she would have received here and with you guiding her, she would have been even better than you one day.”

He heard a whimper come from the woman who stood before him. She had yet to face him. He nearly apologized for comparing Felicie to Odette. She had been incredible. To this day, he had never seen a ballerina with such perfection, grace and poise, and yet such a fire in her heart. It killed him to see her with that fire gone. 

“She’s gone.” Odette whispered before he got his chance. 

“What?”

“Madame Le Haut, she had a carriage waiting. I should have known she would never let Camile lose. She dragged her out of the building. I tried to get there. I tried to stop them, but by the time I made it to the doors she was being hauled down the street. She was calling for me. I couldn’t help her.” Sobs wracked Odette’s tiny frame. 

He wanted to reach out. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and take away her pain- all of her pain. Maybe it would take his pain away too. Instead he stood still and watched her shoulders shake. He couldn’t hold her. She had removed him from her life over a decade ago. He hadn’t even known she was working at the opera house until the day Felicie was exposed and she was pulled into the studio. He had been there for a year now and he had no idea. Despite the years and the clothes and cane, he saw her pride. She walked in with her head up. And those eyes… The ones that lacked the fire she once held were more familiar to him than his own mother’s. It was Odette. 

“We can find her. I will demand Madame Le Haut give us the girl’s location or Camille is not Clara.” He was so matter-of-fact. 

She laughed, but it was not joyous or hopeful. No, this was a hollow laugh. It was only then that she turned to him. Her eyes were red. She looked beyond exhausted. And the anger, it was almost like having her fire back, but far less beautiful. “And what, Monsieur Mérante, do you propose I say?”

He recoiled at her use of his title. A title which bore respect yet she may as well has simply called him Stupid Man. He was less confident in his words when he replied, “You want to adopt her.”

There was that laugh again. “Alright. Let’s assume she was returned to her orphanage which is run by the church. When I arrive to adopt her and they ask if I am married; I will have to say that I am not. Well, that makes this adoption far less likely to happen. And then they will ask how I am able to support a child, I will have to say that I can't. Not truly. I am an impoverished, homeless, mostly jobless, cripple. Trust me, Louis, the street is no place for a child. And I will say, ‘But I love her.’ ‘Well, love does not feed hungry bellies, nor does it put a roof over a cold head’ they will say. I will fail her again. I will see those big eyes filled with hope and belief and faith in me and I will fail her.”

“Odette, did Le Haut sack you? I specifically said…”

“Stop. I know what you said. You shouldn’t have. You needn’t protect me. It is for the best. Granted, it was safer than sleeping on the streets; What I had there was a roof and a wage, but I was dead inside. I spent eight years as a meek mouse inside a broken shell of the woman I used to be. It was getting worse with each passing season. Until Felicie followed me home. She didn’t know I was a broken version of everything she wanted. I simply hadn’t let him hit her. Imagine, the child saw me as kind for doing what any decent human should do. She followed me home and gave me those big, pleading eyes… ‘squeaky clean is my middle name.’ I never should have let her stay. I still don’t know why I did. She reached a part of me I didn’t know was there. She was every piece of heart I had left.” She sobbed again, “She was every piece I thought no longer existed. Why did she have to be taken too?”

This time, he did reach out. He pulled her against his chest. He heard her breath catch in her throat and she stiffened. He did not let go. He wasn’t holding her tightly, however. She would have been able to push him away if she chose to. After a moment, she leaned into him. His warmth crept into her bones. She hadn’t realized she was cold. Perhaps it was the warmth of human contact that she was unused to which made it feel so warm and comforting. She allowed quiet tears to flow. No sobs and no stupid gasping breaths. She hated that he had seen that. 

When she felt strong enough to speak, she admitted, “I don’t know what I am going to do now.” 

“The attic.” That confidence was back. 

“What?”

“I will speak to Auguste tomorrow. Traditionally, the staff had lodging here. You are staff. You simply had another job with its own. Now you don’t. So, you will use this one. Granted, it is small and there are more stairs than I would like for you to have to climb every night and it is mostly storage now, but it is a roof.”

“I don’t need more than that. I don’t think I can go to my former lodgings tonight. I will see Felicie everywhere.”

“Come, I will help with the attic.”

“Oh no, Louis. You don’t have to help. I am sure I can manage what is stored. You should return home and get some rest.”

“Nonsense. I will help. It was my idea and, honestly, I have no idea what is up there. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

She rolled her eyes, “Been there, done that.”

He looked at her with caution, but there was mirth in her cool eyes. Well, the years had given her a dark sense of humor. He took her arm and they slowly, very slowly, ascended the stairs. 

When they arrived at their destination, Odette apologised. “Usually I can manage the stairs just fine. It is just that it has been such a long day. And trying to run earlier is doing me no favors.” She winced as she moved her leg around to relieve some of the tension held there. 

“You do not need to apologise or justify anything. It is late. Even without the events of the day, you work from sunup to sundown. You have every right to be tired.”

She gave a half hearted laugh. The room was small, but it had everything she needed. There were a few boxes and a few props, but nothing crazy. Apparently, no one wanted to carry too much up there. The dust had not been disturded in a long while. A grey sheet covered everything. 

“You dust and I will move everything out. Yes?” She swore he winked at her. She didn't need him to do the heavy lifting. She would have managed. 

“Agreed.” Is what came out of her mouth. 

They made quick work of the room. She was happy to have help even though she didn't want to admit it. She was tired and it would have taken so long to do alone. She wasn’t even certain what time it was any longer. It was quite late, she was sure. She had beaten the bedsheets and blankets thoroughly and shook a pillow when Mérante walked up to her. She laughed and the cloud of dust around his head. He couldn’t even be angry. He had missed that laugh. 

“I am sorry.” She said as her laughter died down. “I did not know you were done.”

“It is alright. I shouldn’t have walked into a woman shaking a dusty pillow.” He smiled at her. She had forgotten how charming he looked when he smiled. 

She returned the smile. It had been easier to smile since Felicie had come into her life. She looked down when the pain hit her again. Was it her leg? Was it her loss? She didn’t know. What she didn know was that Louis felt too familiar, too comforting. She needed him to go before she did something stupid. 

Her smile turned to a yawn and she stretched, albeit a bit overacted. “I should get some sleep. The stairs and railings don’t clean themselves.” 

“Of course.” She took her hand in his. She hated that he could still send sparks through her. He kissed the back of her hand. Her breathing sped up. He turned her hand over and kissed her palm. That time, he heard her gasp. 

He was the one left surprised, however, when Odette used her free hand to pull his head toward hers and kissed him. He responded quickly, wrapping his arms around her and gently pulling her closer to him. He had thought of her like this so many times over the years. He had been with others since he left. None compared to her. The passion she had in her dance flowed through her always. It vibrated through her and into everything she touched. Despite the loss of fire in her eyes, he could feel that now. It was intoxicating and he never wanted it to end. The passion was there, drawing him in, but everything was laced with pain. He could feel it too. A lifetime of loss, of shattered dreams, of self loathing. He knew he couldn’t fix it. He almost pulled away. This was wrong. He was taking advantage of her pain just to feel her passion again. 

She had always been astute. She broke the kiss long enough to whisper “don’t” and then her mouth was on his again. Everything escalated so quickly from there. Neither was sure which had started removing clothing first. Neither knew who had crawled onto the bed first, but there they were- naked and tangled together on the tiny bed built only for one. Once, his hand traveled to her damaged hip and she quickly removed it, but he had felt the scars. A reminder of the cruel hand life had dealt her. She groaned in frustration. His eyes found hers. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” he sighed, “I had nearly forgotten.”

“Me too.” She whispered. He rested his forehead against hers. Her hands cupped his face and her thumbs traced his features. “Don’t stop.”

“Are you sure?” 

She kissed him in response. It was less intense as before, more calm and languid. She tried to shift beneath him to prove her point, but that earned her a jolt of agony through her damaged leg. She pushed back and swallowed the yelp before it escaped. He had heard it however. 

“Odette,” He pushed up and away from her. He didn’t want to hurt her. He had never wanted that. 

“No, please.” She stopped his retreat with her functioning leg on his back and her hands grasping his forearms. 

“I hurt you.” He said as though she hadn’t noticed.

“I hurt me.” She countered. “Please, don’t leave me now.”

“Are you in pain?”

“I’m always in pain.” 

He wasn’t sure why that seemed to be an acceptable answer. It really shouldn't have been. He kissed her nonetheless. The ferocity in her kiss was back. The passion that pulled him in so deep. He was lost in her again. He felt her nails scrape down his arms as her mouth demanded more of him. He gave her everything. Her hand skimmed across his skin and gooseflesh was left in their wake before she let them take hold on his shoulders. He needed air. He hated to pull his mouth from hers, but he had no choice. She had sucked air in as well, so she must have felt the same way. He looked at her slender neck and grinned. His teeth scraped her smooth skin. It was gentle, far more gentle than he used to be. He followed with open-mouthed kisses. His tongue seared her skin and a lovely little moan reached his ears.

He felt so good on her skin. She wished she wasn’t so useless. She wished she could move and help push him where she needed to go. At this point, she wanted her release so badly, but her pain was increasing and her bliss was drifting away. She hated her body. How it betrayed her on a daily basis. She didn’t want to tell him-to ruin this- so she did what she could to help him along.

“Oh Louis” she sighed and dug her nails into the skin on his shoulders. That did the trick. He had always been easy to finish off. His shoulders shook and everything tensed and then he was out of her. The sudden loss surprised her. Her eyebrows crinkled. “Well, that is new.” 

He hadn’t opened his eyes yet. She should have waited, she realized as soon as the words left her lips. He sighed. “I was young and stupid then. I felt invincible. I put your career at risk every time we were together.”

“I risked it too. Though it is a moot point now.” She looked away, but grimaced as she did so. “We need to move. I can’t stay like this.”

“I know the attic isn’t much. You don’t have to stay…”

“I meant my leg. I can’t lay like this. It hurts.”

“Oh! Yes, I’m sorry.” He jumped up off the bed. She quickly covered her lower half with the blanket. Even though it was dark, she didn’t want him looking at the scars. She pulled her leg up and rolled onto her side. She seemed to lose her breath from the exertion. Or the pain. He wasn’t sure which. She looked at him. He was looking for his clothes. She didn’t want him to leave. She didn’t want to be alone. She would have the rest of her life to be alone without Felicie. Without him. This would not last. She was far below his status now. He was world renowned. She swept floors. Maybe she could imagine, just for tonight, a past life. They had been equals once. They had been lovers once. 

“You don’t have to go.” She hated how weak her voice sounded. 

He smiled at her. “I know, but I should go. I don’t want to, but I should.”

“Just stay a little longer. Let me pretend the world isn’t falling apart for a bit longer. Tomorrow the world will go on as always. You will have classes and a performance to coordinate. The school will usher dancers in and out. Felicie will still be gone. I will still be scrubbing floors. Nothing stops or changes regardless of what you have lost. I just…. I am not ready for tomorrow.”

“Odette,” He didn’t know what to say. She was right, after all. 

“It’s alright. I am used to it.” 

He sighed and maneuvered into bed behind her. “I know you don't want me to see or touch your scars, but it is cold and I would like to be under that blanket if I am to stay.”

She chuckled and lifted the corner. “There. Happy?”

His laugh was melodious. He slid under the blanket, his skin against hers once again. “I am. However, can you guide my arm to where you want it?”

“Who said I wanted your arm around me?” She laughed before he could look too slighted. It was the most beautiful sound he could imagine hearing. She took his hand and snaked it across her chest to hold his hand in hers. “Here is good.”

He nuzzled into the back of her neck and held her tightly. Like she might disappear if he didn't hold on. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while before Louis spoke.

"What did you do? Before Le Haut?"

"What?" She stiffened.

"You said you had only been with her for eight years. Your accident was 11 years ago."

She sighed. He felt her flex and extend her fingers like she always did when she was nervous. “I was in the hospital for nearly two years. Since I had no family and extensive need for care, I couldn’t go out on my own. It took nearly a year just to walk with assistance again. Over the next year, the burns finally closed. I had the cane and I could walk. All things must end. I was released from the hospital. Everything I owned then fit into a small bag. And the one thing that did not, my pointe shoes. I hobbled to the Opera. There were whispers and hurried glances. I had come for work. I knew every nook and cranny in the Opera house. And I was lucky the director had a soft spot for me. Or maybe he just felt guilty. But he found it in the budget to give me a small, very small, wage in exchange for being a member of the cleaning staff. So, I worked here for a year before Le Haut.”

“So you have lived here before.”

She sighed, “No. I slept in alleyways and under bridges for a year.” She was tense. She didn’t know what reaction that would garner from him. 

“Dammit Odette.” He whispered, “Why didn't you just come to me?”

“I considered it. However, my pride wouldn’t let me. I could do it on my own. I would be okay. And you were already in St. Petersburg.”

I would have come back. Or brought you to me.”

“I know. That gave me more reason to leave you out of it. It is in the past. No sense in going through what we could have or should have done. I am grateful now, though. I was not looking forward to going back.”

“I am pleased that I was here this time.”

There were a few moments of quiet. She hoped that was the indication that the conversation was over. 

“How did you end up with Le Haut?”

Damn. “You don’t want to hear that story.”

“I do.”

“I learned early on that trying to live in better neighborhoods was problematic. I thought I would feel safe there. It was familiar. After all, I had been one of them not all that long ago. Well, it was not a good idea. The wealthy do not tolerate rats in the gutter. I made my way to the shady parts of the city. I was so sure it would mean the end of me. Certainly, I would wind up dead. I was surprised when I was looked after. I learned that it took the village to keep each other safe and fed. Yes, there are bad seeds everywhere, but I had nothing to steal.” She took a deep breath, “ One day, I had been at the Opera late due to rehearsals. I was tired. My limp was far worse. I was not paying attention like I should. A drunk man came out of a bar near Le Haut’s restaurant. Seeing an easy target, he threw me into the wall. He was leaning on me for balance while his hands tried to get inside my dress. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I had dropped my cane which would have at least served as a weapon of sorts. I yelled at him. I tried to push him off, but I didn't have the strength. Suddenly, he was off me and I fell to the ground. A man had thrown him into the street and he scrambled away. The man turned to me and helped me up. It was Monsieur Le Haut. He didn’t owe me a thing, but offered me a job in his home with a room of my own as an apology for such a thing happening outside of his establishment. He was kind. Such a difference between him and Regine.”

His fist had clenched during her story. See could feel the anger pulsing through him. Maybe she should have lied. The tension held for several moments. She didn’t know what to say. Odette stared into the darkness while he processed her story. It was a lot to take in. Some days she still felt his hands and smelled his breath and it had been a decade. 

Finally, she felt his forehead rest against the back of hers and his fist opened to grasp her chest and pull her even further into him. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It isn’t your fault. You don’t need to be sorry.” She reached her hand up and behind her to run her fingers through his hair and along his scalp. “I thought I was invincible once too.”

“I’d give anything to go back to being young and stupid and invincible.” 

“It was all an illusion.” Her voice was quiet. 

“I don’t care.” He laid a kiss on her shoulder. 

A few moments had passed in silence. Odette’s breathing became steady and shallow. Mérante knew she had fallen asleep. He de-tangled himself from the bed- and her- to dress. He should leave a note. No. They both knew that one of them would be alone in the morning. If he had slept as well, she would have risen and left before him. He looked at her sleeping form. He wished things were different.


End file.
